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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|